We’re very happy today to have an amazing author on the blog : Jess Haines! Her series: H&W Investigations counts four books, and the fourth « Stalking the Others » will be release on the July third. If you don’t know it yet, it’s a wonderful series and I hope this little story will make you want to learn more about it!
Without saying more more, you can discover this little story that Jess has concocted for us.
The H&W Gang Talk About Why Vampires Are Scary
Hello! I’m Jess Haines, author of the H&W Investigations urban fantasy series. Melliane was kind enough to invite me to come by and share a taste of my work with you.
I’m going to let the characters speak for themselves. Meet Shiarra (the main character, a human private investigator), Sara (her business partner), Alec Royce (a vampire), Arnold (a mage), and Chaz (Shia’s on-again/off-again werewolf boyfriend)…
Arnold: We’re talking about why vampires are scary? Lame.
Shiarra: Not that I don’t agree, but isn’t it obvious? They’re all fangs and glowing red eyes and nasty temper. Besides that, they bite people and suck blood. Gross.
Royce: We’re not given to biting people in public, Ms. Waynest. That’s rather crass.
Arnold: Crass or not, just because you say that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Your people just throw enough money at the problem to make it go away.
Sara: Sounds suspiciously like certain politicians to me.
Royce: Being undead doesn’t mean we’ve lost touch with humanity. And I’d watch that tongue, mage. Money doesn’t solve all problems—
Shiarra: But I’ll bet it helps.
Royce: Well… yes, actually.
Chaz: That was refreshingly honest, coming from a leech.
Shiarra: Anyway, back on topic. Just because you do that stuff in private doesn’t make it any less disgusting or scary.
Arnold: Or cliché.
Sara: Except when they sparkle in the sun.
Arnold: Those same old wacky vampire hijinks just aren’t the same anymore.
Shiarra: …uhh. Yeah. Anyway.
Royce: That sparkling business is nonsense. And as for the blood drinking, I doubt any of you have any idea just how erotic it can be.
Shiarra: Let’s never find out, shall we?
Chaz: Anybody else’s hair standing on end? Ugh.
Royce: Settle down, dog. I’m not interested in your kind.
Chaz: Thank God.
Arnold: Too much fur gets stuck in your teeth?
Royce: Something like that.
Shiarra: To be fair, you are pretty fuzzy, even when you aren’t shifted.
Chaz: You’re not helping.
Sara: Okay. Even though my mind is still a little bit broken from that mental image, I’m curious. The movies almost always make vampires out to be the villain. They kill people or turn them into mindless slaves. How is this not scary? Why are you different?
Royce: Movies and books often get everything but the blood drinking wrong.
Arnold: Witness exhibit sparklepire.
Chaz: Heh. Sparklepire.
Shiarra: You do mind mojo stuff. Don’t pretend like you’re Mr. Innocent over there.
Royce: I never claimed I was innocent, Ms. Waynest.
Shiarra: You know what? You may not have, but you act all high and mighty, like you wouldn’t be caught dead doing something vampire-like—but you’re deceitful and you’ve done some damned scary things in the past. So stop dancing around the subject already and tell us the truth. Why shouldn’t people be afraid of you?
Chaz: Caught dead? Isn’t he already…?
Shiarra: You missed my point by about a mile.
Royce: Look, children, if you want me to give you a reason to be afraid, I’m more than happy to oblige. Just not in a public forum where anyone can see. I do have an image to maintain.
Shiarra: Ha! I knew it! See?! I told you!
Chaz: Say it ain’t so.
Sara: Why, yes, Shia, you were right. My goodness, an evil vampire. Who would have thought such a thing was possible. Woe, woe betide.
Arnold: Roll your eyes a little harder, dear. We can still see your irises.
Royce: I really don’t care for your tone.
Shiarra: The lack of my caring is beyond measure.
Royce: Ms. Waynest, since you seem the most insistent in demanding others find a reason to fear me, shall I remind you that you are currently under contract to me and that I could have you—any way I want you—with no legal repercussion whatsoever?
Royce: Something to think about the next time you choose to besmirch my name in public.
Chaz: Stay away from her, worm-bait!
Royce: You’re just jealous that she signed for me and not for you.
Shiarra: Stop being so smug about it, you bastard.
Chaz: Well, maybe I am a little jealous.
Shiarra: Don’t be. That walking corpse is never going to touch me. Ever.
Royce: Don’t be so sure about that…
You can find out more about Shiarra and the rest of the gang in HUNTED BY THE OTHERS!
I don’t understand French (I know, I’m an uncultured heathen), but if you don’t mind following my ramblings in English, you can find me online at the following websites:
My Website: www.jesshaines.com
The Fan Forum: http://jesshaines.freeforums.org/
Thanks again for having me, Melliane!
We would like to thank Jess Haines for this amazing story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we do!